Commitment

It is very important to me that this blog is/does two things: 1-Authentic 2-Honors God. I believe that if it is doing one, then it will automatically be doing the other.

When I was on Facebook, I tried to keep my posts upbeat and positive. I want people to feel encouraged. But this was sort of a tainted view of my life. Since I was so selective and purposeful in my postings, I am sure that there were people reading who thought that my life was just wonderful and I never have any problems at all. This certainly is not being authentic, but on Facebook, there isn't always room/time to explain yourself.  But life is not always positive and happy. God gives us Mountain Top experiences during which we feel like we can conquer the world. But those are not the norm. Life is mostly made up of what happens in the Valleys - those times and trials in between the Mountain Top experiences. These are the times when God shapes and molds us into who He desires up to be. If we have placed our lives on the 'alter' then these are the times that He burns off our junk and makes our character more like His.

While I would not describe my life right now as being 'In the Valley' there is definitely some refining going on. The other night, our baseball game got canceled due to a scheduling conflict with the field. Colin asked if we could watch a movie together. He was picking out the movie, I was cleaning the kitchen. It was going to be just us, hanging out together! Then the phone rang. (You can see where this is going, can't you??) I had forgotten a home-sales party at my friend's house. I told Colin - he is 12 by the way - that we would go quickly and come right back to watch the movie. We got there. He played with the dog. We ate food and hung out. He didn't complain. He wasn't on my hip asking to go home - which he does do sometimes. After a while, we left. He was still in a good mood until we got to the driveway. Then he started to melt down. He was very upset that we had not gotten to watch the movie together. I figured he was tired. We had had a late night of baseball the night before. I tried to roll with the mood. He called his father to talk about how upset he was. The conversation turned to baseball and he moved on. But I did not. I started thinking that he really had No Right to be upset. He had not asked to leave so why should he be upset that we had stayed? I was really feeling like 'How Dare He??'
Well, the next morning I had my iPod on as I was getting ready for work. These events were still weighing on my heart because he had been upset with me. I don't want his feelings to be hurt but I also do not want a co-dependent relationship. It bothered me but not to the point of catering to him.
Anyway, now I'm rambling. We do have a great relationship. So on my i Pod came a Jeremy Camp song called Show Me What It Means. There's a line in the chorus that says: Show me what it means to live my life a sacrifice. Well, it just struck me so hard that I had not sacrificed for Colin but rather had expected him to sacrifice for me. Boy, I really felt like a heel then. That is not how the parent is supposed to act. And this is certainly NOT how I want to act or treat my children!!

I had made a commitment to him. We were supposed to hang out together - just the two of us. He had chosen to watch a move. He had even picked out the movie already. Just because he didn't demand that we leave to go home, does NOT mean that I had the right to stay at my friend's house. I had not even asked him about it. He should be able to KNOW that I will honor my commitments to him NO MATTER WHAT! He should be able to trust that NOTHING will interfere with my commitment to him. I had not shown that to him. The reason that this bothered me so much was not necessarily because it had happened, but because I can see that it is a pattern for me.

I did go and apologize. We are past it now. But I never want to forget the lesson that I got out of this.

Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13