Commitment

It is very important to me that this blog is/does two things: 1-Authentic 2-Honors God. I believe that if it is doing one, then it will automatically be doing the other.

When I was on Facebook, I tried to keep my posts upbeat and positive. I want people to feel encouraged. But this was sort of a tainted view of my life. Since I was so selective and purposeful in my postings, I am sure that there were people reading who thought that my life was just wonderful and I never have any problems at all. This certainly is not being authentic, but on Facebook, there isn't always room/time to explain yourself.  But life is not always positive and happy. God gives us Mountain Top experiences during which we feel like we can conquer the world. But those are not the norm. Life is mostly made up of what happens in the Valleys - those times and trials in between the Mountain Top experiences. These are the times when God shapes and molds us into who He desires up to be. If we have placed our lives on the 'alter' then these are the times that He burns off our junk and makes our character more like His.

While I would not describe my life right now as being 'In the Valley' there is definitely some refining going on. The other night, our baseball game got canceled due to a scheduling conflict with the field. Colin asked if we could watch a movie together. He was picking out the movie, I was cleaning the kitchen. It was going to be just us, hanging out together! Then the phone rang. (You can see where this is going, can't you??) I had forgotten a home-sales party at my friend's house. I told Colin - he is 12 by the way - that we would go quickly and come right back to watch the movie. We got there. He played with the dog. We ate food and hung out. He didn't complain. He wasn't on my hip asking to go home - which he does do sometimes. After a while, we left. He was still in a good mood until we got to the driveway. Then he started to melt down. He was very upset that we had not gotten to watch the movie together. I figured he was tired. We had had a late night of baseball the night before. I tried to roll with the mood. He called his father to talk about how upset he was. The conversation turned to baseball and he moved on. But I did not. I started thinking that he really had No Right to be upset. He had not asked to leave so why should he be upset that we had stayed? I was really feeling like 'How Dare He??'
Well, the next morning I had my iPod on as I was getting ready for work. These events were still weighing on my heart because he had been upset with me. I don't want his feelings to be hurt but I also do not want a co-dependent relationship. It bothered me but not to the point of catering to him.
Anyway, now I'm rambling. We do have a great relationship. So on my i Pod came a Jeremy Camp song called Show Me What It Means. There's a line in the chorus that says: Show me what it means to live my life a sacrifice. Well, it just struck me so hard that I had not sacrificed for Colin but rather had expected him to sacrifice for me. Boy, I really felt like a heel then. That is not how the parent is supposed to act. And this is certainly NOT how I want to act or treat my children!!

I had made a commitment to him. We were supposed to hang out together - just the two of us. He had chosen to watch a move. He had even picked out the movie already. Just because he didn't demand that we leave to go home, does NOT mean that I had the right to stay at my friend's house. I had not even asked him about it. He should be able to KNOW that I will honor my commitments to him NO MATTER WHAT! He should be able to trust that NOTHING will interfere with my commitment to him. I had not shown that to him. The reason that this bothered me so much was not necessarily because it had happened, but because I can see that it is a pattern for me.

I did go and apologize. We are past it now. But I never want to forget the lesson that I got out of this.

Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

My Birthday Message :)

The message that I want to share regarding the week-end will make more sense I think, if you understand how the Lord has been working on my heart over the last few weeks. My birthday was in May and the following is something that I wrote on the evening of my birthday.

I really felt this week that I needed to re-commit my life to Jesus today, to start my new year with a fresh commitment to Him! I just really wanted to share the verse that the Lord gave me this morning. I don't think it was a coincidence that it was my birthday when He gave this to me.


Exodus 29. The context: God is instructing Moses in the Consecration of the Priests - Aaron and his sons. The verse the Lord gave me is 18:
Then burn the entire ram on the alter. It is a burnt offering to the Lord, a pleasing aroma, an offering made to the Lord by fire.


Now, I know you must be like HUH?? When I shared it with Matt, he was very puzzled!


The first thing that struck me about this verse is that it is an offering made to the Lord by fire. Are the trials of my life like this offering? My life during trials could be an offering made to the Lord by fire. The fire refines us, purifies us. What if I viewed the struggles of my life, or rather, my life DURING trials as an offering to the Lord? My offering to Him is my life in the midst of the fire. This would be a life that is *under fire* so to speak. I think it's safe to say that we've all felt that way before.
Second - a burnt offering is a pleasing aroma to the Lord. What a great thought to know that as I am being refined in the fire, as my impurities are being burned away, that this is a pleasing aroma to God!! Do I resist the fire? Do I try to avoid trials and challenges? If the burning off of my junk is a pleasing aroma to the Lord, then I certainly shouldn't be running from it. I WANT my life to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord!! I want my offering made by fire to please Him!! Therefore, my life pleases Him as I am refined and my junk is stripped away!! Oh, I just love Him so much!!
The last thing that I noted in this verse was that the ENTIRE ram was burned on the alter, NONE of it was held back. The entire ram was dedicated to God! (In the context, 1 bull and 2 rams are sacrificed and this is the ONLY one that is entirely placed on the alter!) So, I wonder, am I holding back from God? Is my ENTIRE life placed on the alter? The fire cannot refine the parts that are not placed on the alter, yet it is the refining that is a pleasing aroma to the Lord! I want to live my life Completely Dedicated to Him, holding nothing back, placing it ALL on the alter!! I believe that this is what He wants, this is what pleases Him. I just love Him so much for the work that He has done in my life over the last few months! All I want to do is Worship Him!!

Thank you all for coming along side me on my journey of faith ♥ May God Bless each of you as you seek to know Him better ♥

The other thing that I did for my birthday was to choose a Theme Song for the year. It's Jeremy Camp's Completely Unrestrained. You can listen to it HERE.

29 Things You May (Or Not!) Know About Me

 I thought maybe you might like to know a little more about me :)


1. I read my Bible everyday. I have one next to my bed, one in the living room and one in my car. It IS my addiction!
2. I don't watch tv. I try sometimes but I just can't stay interested.
3. I LOVE to listen to music! It speaks to my heart.
4. I only listen to Christian music (when I have a choice). My favorites are:  Jeremy Camp, David Crowder Band, Natalie Grant, Third Day and anything by Chris Tomlin.
5. I am a chocoholic!
6. I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 9 years old.
7.I am the oldest of 3 girls.
8. My husband is not the biological father of my children. I was recently surprised that some families at church did not know this.
9. I am a visual learner. If you tell me something, I probably won't remember it. But if I read it, then I know it.  So if it's important -- write it down!
10. When I do something, I do it ALL the way! My family calls this Obsessive. I call it commitment  :)
11. I enjoy cleaning.
12. I like quiet.
13. I am a 'pen snob' as my friend Christine calls it.
14. I have a 'thing' for buying notebooks and Bibles.
15. I am a list maker.
16. I LOVE coffee!
17. I don't like dogs, bugs or legless creatures.
18. I love to laugh!
19. I believe that smiles are contagious and everybody deserves one :)
20. I enjoy photography.
21. My favorite color is pink.
22. I love the ocean.
23. I hate lying!!
24. I am a social butterfly and make friends easily.
25. I could possibly be considered clutzy :/
26. I don't sit still well - unless I am on the computer or reading a book.
27. I make small note cards with Bible verses on them and carry one in my pocket everyday. As a result, they are now in every bag I own and ALL over the house! I call it the 'pocket verse'  ie 'The pocket verse today is blah blah blah ..'
28. I don't read fiction. I just don't have time. I don't read for fun, I read to better myself but oddly enough, that is fun to me!
29. I didn't think any man would ever love me enough to choose me for his own -- but God is so good and He gave me Matt :)

For The Love of The Game :)

 Recently I was give the opportunity to examine my definition of success. And to look at how I am passing on that belief to my children.

Colin loves to play baseball. He also loves Track. This Spring I gave him the choice of playing baseball or running track with his best friend Aaron. He chose baseball. I have to admit that this was a little bit of a disappointment to me. I really wanted him to run. I feel that he succeeds easier at track than he does at baseball.

Last year, we got halfway through baseball season and Colin wanted to quit. I said No. So we stuck it out. In his mind, he wasn't playing well. He was struggling to get hits and it wasn't fun. But he had made the commitment so we finished the season out. He has never wanted to quit track. I feel that it comes more naturally to him. He succeeds easier at it.

Well, this year, I have been trying to think of ways to *get* him to run track next year instead of choosing to play baseball. But when I stopped and compared this year to last, this is what I discovered:

• He really isn't playing any better than last year. He contributes to the team but he's not a *power * player.
• His attitude is absolutely 100 percent better than last year!!! He hasn't asked to quit even once.
• So the problem really is mine.

I am/have been looking at success in terms of performance. This is not a new pattern for me. My daughter is an overachiever. I have created that monster. I'll admit it. My children know that I love them no matter what, but I do push them to do their best. I don't think that there is anything wrong with striving for your best. But does it come at the price of Joy? Colin chose to play baseball for the love of the game! Good for him! I was so focused on his *performance* that I had neglected to recognize or applaud him for his heart. His great attitude during this year's season should be celebrated!!

So, as I was thinking this morning of what this post would look like, thinking of success, happiness, performance, etc, Mary and Martha came back to me! Martha is our Performance and Mary is our Heart. Jesus is more concerned with our heart than with our performance. And we probably should be too :)

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, My Rock and My Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Mary, Martha & Facebook

 Before we start this post, if you are unfamiliar with Mary and Martha, please take just a minute to read their story HERE.

Do you ever have recurring themes in your life? I wouldn't say that this is a *life* theme but maybe more of a *season* theme. I am in the season of Mary and Martha. It seems like every week or so they come back and each time they have a different message for me. I really wish I had been writing them down :)

Now if you know me, you know that I am a Martha! I would love to be like Mary but honestly, I just don't understand her. How can she just sit there? I have way too much to do for that! So, a couple weeks ago, I thought that since they kept coming back around to me, that perhaps I should read their story over again. So I did and what I found was kinda painful. Just being honest. Here is the part that struck me:

Mary,  was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted...

OUCH!! She was distracted?? How often am I floating through life distracted? I am running two children to various music, church and/or sporting events, keeping a home, errands, etc. (Never mind the fact that I work 40 hours a week.) Usually my mind is already on the next thing. No wonder I'm tired and feel run down. I crave silence. I long for Sabbaths and for days of fasting to spend time with Jesus - the Restorer of my Soul! So, it occurred to me that Mary had chosen the better part. Worship. I know I'm supposed to worship but I just get  .... oops! .. . there it is again .... Distracted!! Lord, help me!
So,anyway, now I'm rambling. It occurred to me that Jesus was NOT a multi-tasker. Mary was NOT a multi-tasker. But Martha was. What about me? Am I trying to do to many things at once? I feel that it is simply a matter of being on the go all the time. And having a husband who works evenings.

So, this morning, Mary and Martha came back  around with a new lesson. Mary was focused on Jesus. ONLY Jesus. But Martha was not only too busy to be focused on Jesus, she was also too busy worrying about what Mary was doing! Oh wow! So, perhaps I just need to be focused on Jesus and not be concerned about what other people are doing. Not in an 'I'm going to isolate myself" or an 'I'm going to ignore you and your needs' kind of way but more like a minding of my own business :)

Having said all of that, I will now tell you that this came to me this morning after last night deciding to close my Facebook account. And I spent the day COMPLETELY FILLED WITH HIS JOY!!!